There’s something I’ve had to deal with over the past few weeks. The people who know about such things tell me I am not alone. Maybe you are a cancer survivor and you get the cold chills, too. Possibly you’re a friend or relative of someone who’s in the fight. Maybe I can offer some insight into why that person might seem to act a little “off”.
On a good day, my worries are always standing nearby, waiting on a chance to walk into my mind. On a bad day, the thoughts and worries of cancer come rumbling in like one of those huge CSX locomotives with the engine roaring, horn blaring, and bright, white light beaming into the core of my thoughts.
It’s been nearly a year since my colon cancer surgery. No radiation, no chemo needed.
My uneven number of take offs and landings… running over myself… and plain old arthritis make my back hurt. But it started to hurt a lot more a couple of months ago.
I had to have tests.
The freak-out factor is a scale of one to ten. I was rocking on a twelve.
Alphabet tests like CT, and MRI were ordered, and a bone scan to look for “hot spots” was scheduled. They injected me with a radioactive isotope that traveled to the troubled places of my bones. A large sensor creeped along and measured the decaying isotope.
I never thought I would be thankful to learn I had worsening arthritis. I was relieved.
If there are one or two of you reading this, and you’re thinking “Yeah, that worry stuff makes me crazy, too”, at least know you are not alone.
And, yes, I have faith, and I pray. A mental health professional who is a Christian tells me that believers can have an especially tough time with dread and worry because we are not supposed to.
But we do.
Sometimes confession is good for the soul.